If you’re looking for a funny and lighthearted anniversary quote for a card, toast, text or your Instagram then you’re in the right place.

Because in today’s post I’d like to share 110 of the funniest anniversary quotes and messages on relationships and marriage.

Take inspiration from a few of your favorites here to create your own special message.

Or simply use the one that makes you laugh the most and you know will make your partner, friends or parents laugh out loud too.

Funny Anniversary Quotes and Sayings for Couples 

“A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year.”
– Paul Sweeney

“Love is being stupid together.”
– Paul Valery

“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
– Rita Rudner

“In every good marriage, it helps sometimes to be a little deaf.”
– Ruth Bader Ginsburg

“We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness – and call it love – true love.”
– Robert Fulghum

“Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: you have to start over again every morning.”
– H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

“Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?”
– Groucho Marx

“Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.”
– George Bernard Shaw

“A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.”
– Michel de Montaigne

“By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”
– Socrates

“More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.”
– Doug Larson

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”
– Mignon McLaughlin

“A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.”
– Terry Pratchett

“Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning a handspring or eating with chopsticks. It looks easy until you try it.”
– Helen Rowland

“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.”
– Joan Crawford

“Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel.”
– Leonardo da Vinci

“They say all marriages are made in heaven, but so are thunder and lightning.”
– Clint Eastwood

“Marriages don’t work when one partner is happy and the other is miserable. Marriage is about both people being equally miserable.”
– Forget Paris

“True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen.”
– Francois de la Rochefoucauld

“All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.”
– Raymond Hull

“Marriage is like a graph: it has its ups and downs, and as long as things bounce back up again, you’ve got a good marriage. If it heads straight down, then you’ve got some problems!”
– Julie Andrews

“Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing.”
– Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Short and Hilarious Anniversary Quotes

“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”
– Jim Carrey

“Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.”
– Phyllis Diller

“Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.”
– George Burns

“Marriage: sometimes soulmates, sometimes cellmates.”
– Rory Elder

“My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.”
– Henny Youngman

“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”
– Henny Youngman

“Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.”
– Benjamin Franklin

“Love is sharing your popcorn.”
– Charles Schultz

“Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.”
– H. L. Mencken

“The bravest thing that men do is love women.”
– Mort Sahl

“You can’t stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.”
– Jay Leno

“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.”
– Albert Einstein

“Husbands are like fires. They go out when unattended.”
– Zsa Zsa Gabor

“Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.”
– Billy Connolly

“Love is a two-way street constantly under construction.”
– Carroll Bryant

“Try praising your wife, even if it does frighten her at first.”
– Billy Sunday

“All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.”
– Red Skelton

“Marriage is a blast. Like a bomb.”
– Julieanne O’Connor

“If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?”
– Lily Tomlin

“Marriage should be a duet – when one sings, the other claps.”
– Joe Murray

“In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.”
– Rita Rudner

“Love; a temporary insanity curable by marriage.”
– Ambrose Bierce

Funny Anniversary Quotes and Messages for Friends

“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.”
– Will Ferrell

“Getting married is like trading the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.”
– Mae West

“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music, and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.”
– Henny Youngman

“The man who says his wife can’t take a joke, forgets that she took him.”
– Oscar Wilde

“Marriage is nature’s way of keeping people from fighting with strangers.”
– Alan King

“An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.”
– Agatha Christie

“Our wedding was many years ago. The celebration continues to this day.”
– Gene Perret

“It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.”
– Robert Frost

“We got married: society’s solution to loneliness, lust, and laundry.”
– Luke Rhinehart

“Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn’t even have when you were on your own.”
– Eddie Cantor

“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”
– Prince Philip

“The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then marry him.”
– Cher

“Take care of him. And make him feel important. And if you can do that, you’ll have a happy and wonderful marriage. Like two out of every ten couples.”
– Neil Simon

“Only married people can understand how you can be miserable and happy at the same time.”
– Chris Rock

“A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.”
– Brendan Behan

“People say, ‘Jeez, it must be hard to stay married in show business.’ I think it’s hard to stay married anywhere, but if you marry the right person, it might work out.”
– Tom Hanks

“When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life.”
– Richard Lewis

“If you can stay in love for more than two years, you’re on something.”
– Fran Lebowitz

“Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings… and lawyers.”
– Richard Pryor

“A man doesn’t know what happiness is until he’s married. By then it’s too late.”
– Frank Sinatra

“One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.”
– Oscar Wilde

“I’m going to get married again because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.”
– Wendy Liebman

Funny Anniversary Quotes for Parents

“My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.”
– Winston Churchill

“I asked my dad once, ‘How did you and Mum stay married for 33 years?’ And he said, ‘Well, we never wanted to get divorced at the same time.’”
– Gwyneth Paltrow

“I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. First, let her think she’s having her own way. And second, let her have it.”
– Lyndon B. Johnson

“The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.”
– Honore de Balzac

“Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house.”
– Jean Kerr

“After 45 years of marriage, when I have an argument with my wife, if we don’t agree, we do what she wants. But when we agree, we do what I want!”
– Jacques Pepin

“Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not.”
– Albert Einstein

“Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.”
– Ogden Nash

“My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.”
– Jack Benny

“Sexiness wears thin after a while and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day, ah, now that’s a real treat.”
– Joanne Woodward

“The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds – they mature slowly.”
– Peter De Vries

“There’s only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I’ll get married again.”
– Clint Eastwood

“A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.”
– Milton Berle

“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”
– Oprah Winfrey

“Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash.”
– Joyce Brothers

“A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short.”
– André Maurois

“To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.”
– Ogden Nash

“After about 15 years I finally figured out that she’s always right. So surprisingly we just stopped fighting after that.”
– Barack Obama

“In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage.”
– Robert Anderson

“Marriage is a feast where the grace is sometimes better than the dinner.”
– Charles Caleb Colton

“Marriage is neither heaven nor hell, it is simply purgatory.”
– Abraham Lincoln

Funny Anniversary Quotes for Your Husband or Wife

“As a man in a relationship, you have a choice: You can be right or you can be happy.”
– Ralphie May

“If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears.”
– Sigmund Freud

“We were married for better or worse. I couldn’t have done better, and she couldn’t have done worse.”
– Henny Youngman

“Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how stupid their problems sound to you.”
– Megan Mullally

“I married for love, but the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored.”
– Cameron Esposito

“Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic – you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner.”
– Jerry Seinfeld

“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.”
– Erma Bombeck

“The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.”
– Anne Bancroft

“For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end.”
– Catherine Zeta-Jones

“Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun.”
– Stephanie Ortiz

“Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.”
– Phyllis Diller

“True love is singing karaoke ‘Under Pressure’ and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part.”
– Mindy Kaling

“I’m so conflicted when my husband does the laundry. On one hand, he did the laundry. On the other, my clothes can now be sold at Gap Kids.”
– Molly McNearney

“‘I am’ is supposedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that ‘I do’ is the longest sentence?”
– George Carlin

“When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.”
– Helen Rowland

“My wife had us register for fine china, because you never know when the Pope is going to swing by and want a microwaved hot dog on a $200 plate.”
– Jim Gaffigan

“It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.”
– Rodney Dangerfield

“The best thing to ever happen to marriage is the pause-live-TV button.”
– Rick Reilly

“One of the keys to a successful marriage is separate bathrooms. When he enters my bathroom sometimes I’m like, ‘Why are you in here?’ And he’s like, ‘I live here. Can I enjoy my bathroom too?’”
– Michelle Obama

“Marriage is about the most expensive way for the average man to get laundry done.”
– Burt Reynolds

“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”
– Groucho Marx

“What’s the best way to get your husband to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.”
– Cindy Garner

Want more funny quotes on relationships? Then have a look at these funny love quotes, the hilarious wedding quotes here and also this one with lots of funny quotes on aging and getting older.

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Easter.

A time of spring warmth, sunshine and quality time with the people we love.

But also a time of eating way too much chocolate and egg hunts that become more and more elaborate and competitive each year.

And in today’s post I want to help you to make this holiday even better by sharing 60 of the wittiest and most funny Easter quotes.

I hope you’ll find something here that will make you and the people closest to you laugh and make this Easter into a happy and fun one.

Funny Easter Quotes for a Happy Holiday

“I still believe in Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and true love. Don’t even try to tell me different.”
– Dolly Parton

“Two thousand years ago, Jesus is crucified. Three days later, he walks out of a cave and they celebrate with chocolate bunnies and marshmallow Peeps, and beautifully decorated eggs. I guess these were things Jesus loved as a child.”
– Billy Crystal

“I lied on my Weight Watchers list. I put down that I had three eggs… but they were Cadbury chocolate eggs.”
– Caroline Rhea

“Here’s for me the one big question: How do you get Crucifixion, Resurrection and then chocolate bunnies, colored eggs? How do you do that one? Even kids are going, ‘Rabbits don’t lay eggs. What is this?’”
– Robin Williams

“Easter is so disappointing. You suffer all the way through Lent, and what do you get for it? A ham.”
– Garrison Keillor

“A guy comes down to earth, takes your sins, dies, and comes back three days later. You believe in him and go to heaven forever. How do you get from that to Hide-The-Eggs? Did Jesus have a problem with eggs? Did he go, ‘When I come back, if I see any eggs, the whole salvation thing is off?’”
– Jon Stewart

“I was over in Australia during Easter, which was really interesting. You know, they celebrate Easter the exact same way we do, commemorating the death and resurrection of Jesus by telling our children that a giant bunny rabbit… left chocolate eggs in the night.”
– Bill Hicks

“My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don’t know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.”
– Adam Ferrara

“Happy Easter everyone! Jesus dies, comes back from the dead — and we get chocolate eggs. It’s like turn-down service from God.”
– Denis Leary

“The real reason Easter is on a different day each year is because sometimes it’s difficult to remember which lie you told.”
– Jimmy Carr

“The Easter Bunny ate all of the carrots we left for him. What a pig.”
– Steve Carell

“Every Easter, my wife hides chocolate eggs around the house. And every August, I find one behind the couch and enjoy its melty and dusty goodness.”
– Unknown

“That first Easter must have been awkward, because you know the apostles had already divided up Jesus’ stuff.”
– William Ader

“Passover and Easter are the only Jewish and Christian holidays that move in sync, like the ice skating pairs we saw during the Winter Olympics.”
– Marvin Olasky

Short and Funny Easter Quotes

“Good idea: Finding Easter eggs on Easter. Bad idea: Finding Easter eggs on Christmas.”
– Jack Handey

“Easter is the only time when it’s perfectly safe to put all your eggs in one basket.”
– Evan Esar

“Easter has been cancelled – they found the body.”
– Jim Butcher

“All excited for Easter. The cross is up and completely decorated.”
– Albert Brooks

“Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe filled with slush.”
– Doug Larson

“Easter says you can put truth in a grave, but it won’t stay there.”
– Clarence W. Hall

“Easter: Hide and Seek with eggs.”
– Melanie White

“I wanted to give up my children for Lent, but nobody would take them.”
– Melanie White

“You know what I’m doing for Easter? I’m gonna be hanging with my Peeps.”
– Jay Leno

“Despite the forecast, live like it’s spring.”
– Lilly Pulitzer

“You can tell a lot about a fellow’s character by the way he eats jelly beans.”
– Ronald Reagan

“Spring is nature’s way of saying, ‘Let’s party!’”
– Robin Williams

“Those have a short Lent who owe money to be paid at Easter.”
– Benjamin Franklin

“Large, naked, raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who live in hutches eagerly awaiting Easter.”
– Fran Lebowitz

Hilarious Easter Quotes That Will Make You Laugh

“When you’re grown up you realize that it’s not the number of Easter eggs you find that’s important, but how many are dark chocolate.”
– Melanie White

“My mom asked me what I’m doing at Easter. I said the same as Jesus – going out Friday, coming back Monday.”
– Unknown

“I was fairly traumatized the first time my parents gave me a hollow chocolate bunny for Easter. I was 27, but still.”
– Just Bill

“They have Easter egg hunts in Philadelphia, and if the kids don’t find the eggs, they get booed.”
– Bob Uecker

“My father was so cheap. Every Easter we’d wear the same clothes, but he’d take us to a different church.”
– A.J. Jamal

“My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper.”
– Amy Sedaris

“Here’s the problem with Easter. The Catholic Church needs to pick a date because it keeps moving. And I think the reason they always have Easter moving to different dates is to catch us.”
– Denis Leary

“Easter combines the best of the present with the traditions of the past – like Cadbury cream eggs with hunting and gathering.”
– Melanie White

“Easter is of course to celebrate Jesus returning from the dead. Fair enough, it is difficult to resist a packet of mini eggs, isn’t it?”
– Jimmy Carr

“Easter shopping tip: When buying your daughter that frilly new Easter dress, try to visualize how it’ll look with chocolate and grass stains all over it.”
– Melanie White

“If you believe in the Easter Bunny, it means you believe in a fat, purple bunny, which is pooping multicolor eggs in your garden.”
– Alex Antunes

“Things are so tough in Chicago that at Easter time, for bunnies the little kids use porcupines.”
– Fred Allen

“Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.”
– Henny Youngman

“Lent was invented so Catholics could take another shot at their New Year’s resolutions.”
– Melanie White

“Tell the chocolate bunny I’ll pass. I have enough men in my life who are hollow and disappointing.”
– Unknown

Funny Easter Quotes for Family and Friends

“A true friend is someone who thinks you’re a good egg, even if you’re cracked.”
– Bernard Meltzer

“All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt!”
– Charles M. Schulz

“Forget the Easter Bunny. I need one that can do me some good — like the Energizer Bunny.”
– Melanie White

“Egg hunts are proof that your children can find things when they really want to.”
– Unknown

“Easter is a time for dressing up, looking your best, and hunting for candy. It’s Halloween in reverse!”
– Melanie White

“I’m a little hoarse tonight. I’ve been living off of Easter candy and Peeps. Sugar and yellow dye number five.”
– Stephen Colbert

“No presents for Christmas? That’s like Easter without high-stakes poker.”
– Steven Levitan

“If you see a rabbit laying little brown eggs, don’t eat them. It’s not chocolate!”
– Unknown

“Easter may not take the cake, but it does take all the cake coloring.”
– Melanie White

“It’s Easter, and they already have the Christmas decorations up.”
– Sally (from Charlie Brown)

“After the egg hunt on Easter Sunday, a young farm boy decided to play a prank. He went to the chicken coop and replaced every single egg with a brightly colored one.”
– Jim Kraus

“There’s nothing better than a good friend, except a good friend with chocolate.”
– Linda Grayson

Want more inspiration for Easter and spring? Then have a look at these inspirational Easter quotes, the funny spring quotes here and also this one with plenty of short Easter quotes.

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April is here with wonderful spring weather, flowers starting to bloom and maybe a setback or two in the form of snow and icy cold winds that we thought we would be past by now.

And to help you make this a happy and fun month I’d like to share 90 of the most positive, witty and funny April quotes.

Ones that’ll lighten your mood, make you and your loved ones or co-workers laugh on stressful days and make this a wonderful spring.

Hilarious Welcome April Quotes for a Happy Start to Your Month

“Here cometh April again, and as far as I can see, the world hath more fools in it than ever.”
– Charles Lamb

“Spring is when you feel like whistling, even with a shoe full of slush.”
– Doug Larson

“April comes like an idiot, babbling and strewing flowers.”
– Edna St. Vincent Millay

“Snow in April is abominable, like a slap in the face when you expected a kiss.”
– L.M. Montgomery

“April prepares her green traffic light, and the world thinks, ‘Go!’”
– Christopher Morley

“Spring is nature’s way of saying, ‘Let’s party!’”
– Robin Williams

“It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen.”
– George Orwell

“In the spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.”
– Mark Twain

“Although I was born in April, I’m quite certain I was not fully awake until October.”
– Peggy Toney Horton

“But it is a sort of April-weather life that we lead in this world. A little sunshine is generally the prelude to a storm.”
– William Cowper

“Oh, the lovely fickleness of an April day!”
– William Hamilton Gibson

“It’s the hottest April in living and dead memory. So hot that the crows are flying with their tongues hanging out of their heads.”
– Jess Kidd

“The first day of spring is one thing, and the first spring day is another. The difference between them is sometimes as great as a month.”
– Henry Van Dyke

“Poor, dear, silly Spring, preparing her annual surprise!”
– Wallace Stevens

“A little madness in the spring is wholesome even for the King.”
– Emily Dickinson

“It’s spring fever. That is what the name of it is. And when you’ve got it, you want – oh, you don’t quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so!”
– Mark Twain

Short and Funny April Quotes That Will Make You Smile

“The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.”
– Mark Twain

“Today has been a day dropped out of June into April.”
– L.M. Montgomery

“April is the month where my allergies remind me that nature has a sense of humor – and I’m the recurring punchline.”
– Unknown

“Spring being a tough act to follow, God created June.”
– Al Bernstein

“Despite the forecast, live like it’s spring.”
– Lilly Pulitzer

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
– Steve Martin

“Spring is when life’s alive in everything.”
– Christina Rossetti

“If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant.”
– Anne Bradstreet

“An optimist is the human personification of spring.”
– Susan J. Bissonette

“April, April, laugh thy girlish laughter; then, the moment after, weep thy girlish tears!”
– William Watson

“In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt.”
– Margaret Atwood

“Sweet April showers do bring May flowers.”
– Thomas Tusser

“Gardening requires lots of water – most of it in the form of perspiration.”
– Louise Erickson

“The deep roots never doubt spring will come.”
– Marty Rubin

“Nothing ever seems impossible in spring, you know.”
– L.M. Montgomery

“April is the kindest month. April gets you out of your head and out working in the garden.”
– Marty Rubin

“April hath put a spirit of youth in everything.”
– William Shakespeare

“Spring cleaning sounds great until you realize you’d have to actually clean for an hour or three.”
– Jim Harper

Funny Hello April Quotes for Work

“April showers bring those lovely May flowers, but they also bring that one coworker who won’t stop babbling about their garden.”
– Sandra Shea

“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so.”
– Douglas Adams

“Isn’t it amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?”
– Zig Ziglar

“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.”
– Don Herold

“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?”
– Edgar Bergen

“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”
– George Carlin

“If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.’”
– Dave Barry

“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”
– Douglas Adams

“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.”
– Jerome K. Jerome

“The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.”
– Robert Frost

“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.”
– Claude McDonald

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.”
– Zig Ziglar

“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.”
– Joe Girard

“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”
– Charles Lamb

“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.”
– Robert Frost

“There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.”
– Henry Kissinger

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.”
– Lily Tomlin

“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.”
– Bill Gates

“Spring is the time of plans turning into procrastination in the break room.”
– Unknown

Funny and Lovely April Quotes for Your Letter Board and Instagram

“Science has never drummed up quite as effective a tranquilizing agent as a sunny spring day.”
– W. Earl Hall

“Spring won’t let me stay in this house any longer! I must get out and breathe the air deeply again.”
– Gustav Mahler

“Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything’s dying.”
– George Carlin

“Spring is the only revolutionary whose revolution has succeeded.”
– Marianne van Hirtum

“Spring adds new life and new beauty to all that is.”
– Jessica Harrelson

“Spring shows what God can do with a drab and dirty world.”
– Virgil A. Kraft

“Spring unlocks the flowers to paint the laughing soil.”
– Bishop Reginald Heber

“April is the sweetest month of the year, the mellow season of rebirth and renewal.”
– Mary Sojourner

“April is a promise that May is bound to keep.”
– Hal Borland

“Springtime is the land awakening. The March winds are the morning yawn.”
– Lewis Grizzard

“You gotta bloom where you’re planted.”
– Dolly Parton

“Blossom by blossom the spring begins.”
– Algernon Charles Swinburne

“The first blooms of spring always make my heart sing.”
– S. Brown

“If April showers should come your way, they bring the flowers that bloom in May.”
– Buddy DeSylva

“April is a reminder that life is a beautiful, ever-renewing cycle.”
– E.E. Cummings

“Winter’s done, and April’s in the skies. Earth, look up with laughter in your eyes!”
– Charles G.D. Roberts

“People ask me what I do in winter when there’s no baseball. I’ll tell you what I do: I stare out the window and wait for spring.”
– Rogers Hornsby

“Spring’s greatest joy beyond a doubt is when it brings the children out.”
– Edgar Guest

Witty and Funny April Fool’s Day Quotes

“A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.”
– Douglas Adams

“Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.”
– Mark Twain

“Fool me once, strike one. Fool me twice, strike three.”
– Michael Scott

“The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool.”
– Richard Feynman

“You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time.”
– Abraham Lincoln

“Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.”
– William Shakespeare

“The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes.”
– Winston Churchill

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.”
– Albert Einstein

“I have great faith in fools – self-confidence, my friends call it.”
– Edgar Allan Poe

“The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.”
– Will Rogers

“Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something.”
– Plato

“The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.”
– William Shakespeare

“Some people can’t be fooled on April Fool’s Day because they were fooled too many times during their entire lifetime.”
– Akash B Chandran

“There are two ways to be fooled. One is to believe what isn’t true; the other is to refuse to believe what is true.”
– Soren Kierkegaard

“I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it.”
– Jack Handey

“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.”
– Elbert Hubbard

“The man who says his wife can’t take a joke, forgets that she took him.”
– Oscar Wilde

“Humanity is a parade of fools, and I am at the front of it, twirling a baton.”
– Dean Koontz

“I’ve had great success being a total idiot.”
– Jerry Lewis

Want more laughs and positive energy? Then check out these hilarious and sarcastic quotes, the funny spring quotes here and also this one with lots of funny inspirational quotes.

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Sometimes what is needed to find new motivation or energy is not deep wisdom or a pep talk.

Instead, what works best on some days is simply to take a laugh break and focus on having fun for a few minutes to release stress,  lighten up and not take things too seriously.

And in today’s post I want to help you with that by sharing 160 of the most positive, stress reducing and funny inspirational quotes.

I hope you’ll find a bunch of laughs, a more relaxed perspective and a jolt of positivity here.

Funny Inspirational Quotes on Life That’ll Make You Laugh

“Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.”
– Will Rogers

“You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it’s your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You’re probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you’re gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years.”
– Chris Rock

“Life begins at 40 – but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.”
– Helen Rowland

“I may be a living legend, but that sure don’t help when I’ve got to change a flat tire.”
– Roy Orbison

“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.”
– Bill Watterson

“A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future.”
– Denis Waitley

“As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.”
– Sir Norman Wisdom

“I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade, and try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.”
– Ron White

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.”
– Zig Ziglar

“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”
– Abraham Lincoln

“A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.”
– Eleanor Roosevelt

“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”
– Mark Twain

“You grow up the day you have your first real laugh at yourself.”
– Ethel Barrymore

“Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away.”
– Benjamin Franklin

“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.”
– Albert Einstein

“When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’”
– Sydney J. Harris

“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.”
– Dalai Lama

“Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.”
– Cullen Hightower

“Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body.”
– George Carlin

“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”
– Jack Handey

“Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring? I said: ‘How to Build a Boat.’”
– Steven Wright

“Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.”
– Francois de La Rochefoucauld

“Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers.”
– Socrates

“The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.”
– Tom Clancy

“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”
– George Carlin

“A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.”
– Winston Churchill

“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.”
– Mark Twain

“Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.”
– Tom Lehrer

“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.”
– Elbert Hubbard

“Life is tough, darling. Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise, we’re going down the tube.”
– Joan Rivers

Funny Motivational Quotes for Work and Success

“When you are asked if you can do a job, tell ’em, ‘Certainly I can!’ Then get busy and find out how to do it.”
– Theodore Roosevelt

“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.”
– Drew Carey

“Some people see things that are and ask, ‘Why?’ Some people dream of things that never were and ask, ‘Why not?’ Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.”
– George Carlin

“Whatever you do, always give 100% – unless you’re donating blood.”
– Bill Murray

“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.”
– Joe Girard

“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.”
– Thomas A. Edison

“Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school.”
– Albert Einstein

“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.”
– W. C. Fields

“The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management.”
– Scott Adams

“Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life… because that field probably isn’t hiring.”
– Dorothy Parker

“By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.”
– Robert Frost

“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.”
– Jerome K. Jerome

“Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don’t turn up at all.”
– Sam Levenson

“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”
– George Carlin

“The reward for work well done is more work.”
– Jim Butcher

“I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.”
– Douglas Adams

“I cannot afford to waste my time making money.”
– Louis Agassiz

“It takes less time to do a thing right than it does to explain why you did it wrong.”
– Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

“The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.”
– Sarah Brown

“I like to work in the morning. I just don’t like to be awake while I’m doing it.”
– Nora Ephron

“Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.”
– Dwight D. Eisenhower

“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?”
– Edgar Bergen

“The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary.”
– Vidal Sassoon

“Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.”
– George Burns

“Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.”
– Paula Poundstone

“Confidence is 10% hard work and 90% delusion.”
– Tina Fey

“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.”
– Robert Orben

“No man goes before his time – unless the boss leaves early.”
– Groucho Marx

Short and Funny Inspirational Quotes

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”
– George Burns

“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.”
– Mark Twain

“If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.”
– Katharine Hepburn

“Be happy, it drives people crazy.”
– Paulo Coelho

“I’d like to live as a poor man with lots of money.”
– Pablo Picasso

“Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.”
– Josh Billings

“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.”
– Charles M. Schulz

“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”
– Erma Bombeck

“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.”
– Steven Wright

“A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”
– Groucho Marx

“It could be that your purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.”
– Ashleigh Brilliant

“Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.”
– Oscar Wilde

“Man cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter.”
– James A. Garfield

“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”
– Jim Carrey

“If any of you cry at my funeral, I’ll never speak to you again.”
– Stan Laurel

“Don’t be so humble – you are not that great.”
– Golda Meir

“If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.”
– George Burns

“Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.”
– Anthony Burgess

“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”
– Robin Williams

“If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.”
– Billy Wilder

“Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.”
– Phyllis Diller

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
– Oscar Wilde

“If you can’t convince them, confuse them.”
– Harry S. Truman

“Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.”
– Truman Capote

“The most effective way to do it is to do it.”
– Amelia Earhart

“Bad decisions make good stories.”
– Ellis Vidler

“You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?”
– Steven Wright

Funny Inspirational Quotes for Your Morning

“There should be a rule against people trying to be funny before the sun comes up.”
– Kristen Chandler

“I love the early hours of the day. It’s a nice place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live there.”
– James Lileks

“Thank you, 2:30 in the morning, for always being the first sign that tomorrow’s gonna suck.”
– Jimmy Fallon

“Mornings are almost clean slates. I say almost because the residue of yesterday’s is sometimes stuck on them.”
– Medeia Sharif

“Be the person your coffee thinks you are.”
– Liz Vassey

“Everyone wants me to be a morning person. I could be one, only if morning began after noon.”
– Tony Smite

“Morning will come, it has no choice.”
– Marty Rubin

“The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.”
– Robert Frost

“Morning is wonderful. Its only drawback is that it comes at such an inconvenient time of day.”
– Glen Cook

“The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.”
– Dorothy Parker

“I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world.”
– E. B. White

“The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.”
– Jean Kerr

“Lose an hour in the morning, and you will spend all day looking for it.”
– Richard Whately

“Keep the dream alive: hit the snooze button.”
– Punit Ghadge

“No alarm clock needed, surely my passion will wake me up.”
– Sandra Shea

“Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.”
– Dale Carnegie

“Good morning is a contradiction of terms.”
– Jim Davis

Funny and Inspirational Sayings on Love and Friendship

“There is nothing like puking with somebody to make you into old friends.”
– Sylvia Plath

“A loyal friend laughs at your jokes when they’re not so good, and sympathizes with your problems when they’re not so bad.”
– Arnold H. Glasgow

“A true friend is someone who thinks you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.”
– Bernard Meltzer

“It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.”
– Will Ferrell

“Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway.”
– Greg Tamblyn

“There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.”
– Linda Grayson

“Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.”
– Jerry Seinfeld

“When I eventually met Mr. Right, I had no idea that his first name was Always.”
– Rita Rudner

“There are few things in life harder to find and more important to keep than love. Well, love and a birth certificate.”
– Barack Obama

“Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.”
– Richard Jeni

“When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life.”
– Richard Lewis

“You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.”
– Henry Youngman

“If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?”
– Lily Tomlin

“Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.”
– Mae West

“I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
– Rita Rudner

“Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby – awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.”
– Lemony Snicket

“Marriage: a friendship recognized by the police.”
– Robert Louis Stevenson

“Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.”
– Jules Renard

“By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you will be happy. If you get a bad one, you will be a philosopher.”
– Socrates

“Love is a two-way street constantly under construction.”
– Carroll Bryant

“True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.”
– Erich Segal

“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”
– Charles M. Schulz

“Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: you have to start over again every morning.”
– H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.”
– Erma Bombeck

“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”
– Oprah Winfrey

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What? You too? I thought I was the only one!’”
– C. S. Lewis

“When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun.’”
– Groucho Marx

Inspirational and Hilarious Quotes from Movies and TV

“If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.”
– Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

“Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That’s one of my mottos.”
– Stanley Hudson (from the TV-show The Office)

“What am I scared of? I’m scared of the same thing that you are: everything.”
– George Costanza (from the TV-show Seinfeld)

“We need to remember what’s important in life: friends, waffles, work. Or waffles, friends, work. Doesn’t matter, but work is third.”
– Leslie Knope (from the TV-show Parks and Recreation)

“I learned a long time ago that worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn’t get you anywhere.”
– National Lampoon’s Van Wilder

“The suspense is terrible. I hope it’ll last.”
– Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory

“If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.”
– Dodgeball

“A laugh can be a very powerful thing. Why, sometimes in life, it’s the only weapon we have.”
– Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

“I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.”
– Sex and the City

“My mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.”
– Forrest Gump

“Just keep swimming.”
– Finding Nemo

“Well, nobody’s perfect.”
– Some Like It Hot

“A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.”
– Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

“You want to get out of the hole? First you’re going to have to put down the shovel.”
– Incredibles 2

“Your soul is like your appendix — I don’t even use it!”
– Michael Kelso (from the TV-show That ’70s Show)

“I’m a bit of a sucker for second chances. They’re my first favorite kind of chance.”
– Jessica Day (from the TV-show New Girl)

“Nobody exists on purpose, nobody belongs anywhere, everybody’s gonna die. Come watch TV.”
– Morty (from the TV-show Rick and Morty)

“Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I’ll find it along the way.”
– Michael Scott (from the TV-show The Office)

“I’m not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”
– Chandler Bing (from the TV-show Friends)

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”
– Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

“Why, sometimes I’ve believed six impossible things before breakfast.”
– Alice in Wonderland

“To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.”
– Homer Simpson (from the TV-show The Simpsons)

“I don’t make the rules, ma’am. I just think them up and write them down.”
– Eric Cartman (from the TV-show South Park)

“Fate is just what you call it when you don’t know the name of the person screwing you over.”
– Lois, Malcolm in the Middle

“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. I read that one on a can of lemonade. I like to think it applies to life.”
– Andy Dwyer (from the TV-show Parks and Recreation)

“I love a good nap. Sometimes it’s the only thing getting me out of bed in the morning.”
– George Costanza (from the TV-show Seinfeld)

“Today is a good day to try.”
– The Hunchback of Notre Dame

“Here’s some advice I wish I woulda got when I was your age: live every week like it’s Shark Week.”
– Tracy Jordan (from the TV-show 30 Rock)

“If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.”
– Jerry Seinfeld (from the TV-show Seinfeld)

“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”
– Homer Simpson (from the TV-show The Simpsons)

Want more laughs and positive energy? Then have a look at these sarcastic quotes about life, the hilarious quotes about work here and also this one with funny quotes about getting old.

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